We just moved. It's been crazy but good. I am no longer living in South Carolina, so, thankfully, I don't have to worry about running into Deborah or Raimund anymore.
Making a fresh start has its pros and cons. It's difficult because I know so few people here, I don't know the area very well, I miss my friends in SC, and it's always a little sad to leave a place you've lived in for a long time. This fresh start is great because it is just that - a new beginning of sorts. I can view my ideas,...

We just moved. It's been crazy but good. I am no longer living in South Carolina, so, thankfully, I don't have to worry about running into Deborah or Raimund anymore.
Making a fresh start has its pros and cons. It's difficult because I know so few people here, I don't know the area very well, I miss my friends in SC, and it's always a little sad to leave a place you've lived in for a long time. This fresh start is great because it is just that - a new beginning of sorts. I can view my ideas, posibilities, and theories in a new light for some reason.
I am now living closer to my extended family, so that is wonderful. I'm really excited about spending lots of time with them. Josiah is so ecstatic to be near his cousins, I can hardly keep him home.
Our little baby girl is growing like a weed. She repeats everything she hears (I can see this will be a problem at some point:). She adores her big brother. He can do no wrong, unless he touches her blankie. Then the fury of Kyra falls on him.
Baby calling....

Guess who is still cruising around in his convertible Mercedes!!! Raimund Melz, driving his very posh car, passed me on the road yesterday on his way to the Mercedes dealership! I could not get past the obsessive urge to go buy eggs, find him at the dealership, and pelt at least one whole carton of eggs at his beautiful car. The desire to mutilate his vehicle was amplified by the fact that the temperature was over 100 degrees meaning the eggs might actually bake onto his car. A vision splendid...

Guess who is still cruising around in his convertible Mercedes!!! Raimund Melz, driving his very posh car, passed me on the road yesterday on his way to the Mercedes dealership! I could not get past the obsessive urge to go buy eggs, find him at the dealership, and pelt at least one whole carton of eggs at his beautiful car. The desire to mutilate his vehicle was amplified by the fact that the temperature was over 100 degrees meaning the eggs might actually bake onto his car. A vision splendid!
I guess I still have some more letting go to do?

I can not believe how badly the news media is covering this FLDS child abuse case!!!

I just learned that many FLDS members are also local police in Colorado Springs. Why hasn't this been pointed out - in bold lettering - sooner? How can this be allowed to continue in light of everything that is obviously wrong with this group? How could a mother ever report abuse if 911 just calls one of the men in the group? How can a family escape when the local community is led and monitored by the cult...

I can not believe how badly the news media is covering this FLDS child abuse case!!!

I just learned that many FLDS members are also local police in Colorado Springs. Why hasn't this been pointed out - in bold lettering - sooner? How can this be allowed to continue in light of everything that is obviously wrong with this group? How could a mother ever report abuse if 911 just calls one of the men in the group? How can a family escape when the local community is led and monitored by the cult leaders?

I also just heard about a town meeting held in Utah (I think. It may have been Arizona), where the government officials were comforting the local FLDS members, saying, "We will NOT do what Texas did!" They were saying that they disagree with Texas' actions. And, they were saying that they hope to get the children of this abuse case into these FLDS members' custody if they are taken from their parents. Apparently, this state (Utah or Arizona, I forget), uses a nark system to monitor the FLDS group. How dumb can you get! Do they really know so little about tight-knit religious groups like this (or are they members of it or maybe chummy with members of it)? Why do you think they build compounds? To protect themselves from scutiny and from the evil outside world. They would never turn each other in. That goes against everything they stand for.

So, here's another question: Why have a law that is never enforced? I'm not trying to get into a debate about whether polygamy is a person's right of choice or not. I'm just saying, why bother going to the effort of outlawing it if you refuse to enforce it? Either make it legal or prove your word means something.

I'm really worried about all this. Even if these kids actually are taken away from their parents, what next? Will the state allow other FLDS family members to waltz in and put the children right back into the cult? Will they keep them in foster homes and allow any willing but ignorant family to adopt them with a few hours of state funded therapy and a stamp of approval? What about FLDS itself? They will continue to procreate, continue to isolate, continue to brainwash and abuse and control. How can we stop this cycle? Here's the really scary question: what if we actually gave the government the right to judge and prosecute and shut down sects? Where does that sort of control end? When is it stopping abuses and helping people and when does it become the very thing it sets out to end - leaders forcing people to believe and think and follow only what they approve of?

Honestly, I think it would be good for there to be a level of monitoring. Just checking up on these groups who pull so vehemently away from society and isolate themselves. Most religions live in the open, but when a group separates themselves, like FLDS, that should be a red flag that results in monitoring on a serious level. Why have we not learned from Waco and Jonestown? Shouldn't we have already learned from those mistakes? How many more have to get hurt before we come up with a plan to stop these obviously-not-quite-right, suspicious groups from building their fences, locking their gates, manipulating the system, controlling their wives, and abusing their children?

The Nashville Film Festival went really well. I met so many people who said, "I got out of a cult a few years ago" or "I was raised in a cult" or "My friend is in a cult." The film seemed to hit a cord with a lot of people.
Going to the film fest was very inspiring for me too. I tend to wrap myself in the daily grind of life, but stepping out of that cycle for a few days into something as intense as "Join Us" q&a's helps me remember issues bigger than the next load of laundry. I've thought o...

The Nashville Film Festival went really well. I met so many people who said, "I got out of a cult a few years ago" or "I was raised in a cult" or "My friend is in a cult." The film seemed to hit a cord with a lot of people.
Going to the film fest was very inspiring for me too. I tend to wrap myself in the daily grind of life, but stepping out of that cycle for a few days into something as intense as "Join Us" q&a's helps me remember issues bigger than the next load of laundry. I've thought of public speaking about cults to churches, schools, and whatnot. Going to Nashville got me excited again about the possibilities of doing that. I really should look more into it and actively pursue it.

So much going on, so little time to blog
I'm running around the house getting everything ready for our trip to the Nashville Film Festival. We're going to be there for the q&a after the screenings of Join Us.
We've done this two times in L.A. and once in Birmingham, AL. It is a really amazing experience, but I 'm always a little nervous. This film has put my family in a very vulnerable position. People may love us, pity us, understand us, hate us, look down on us, think we're crazy. Who kno...

So much going on, so little time to blog
I'm running around the house getting everything ready for our trip to the Nashville Film Festival. We're going to be there for the q&a after the screenings of Join Us.
We've done this two times in L.A. and once in Birmingham, AL. It is a really amazing experience, but I 'm always a little nervous. This film has put my family in a very vulnerable position. People may love us, pity us, understand us, hate us, look down on us, think we're crazy. Who knows. After all, this whole cult issue is very difficult for people to relate to. Only in the south. All religions are cults. What idiots No one has said these things to me directly (and I hope they never do). Still, I've read all those lines on the web. I think cult , brainwashing , mind control are such charged words. They conjure images of orange robes, glazed eyes, and mass suicides. It's so unexpected in normal society that most people don't have a clue about what really goes on and really don't care. I guess we've put the entire subject in a box and set it in the corner, only pullng it out on the evening news to goggle at the circus quality of it. I often worry that is what I am in context to this movie and what happened to me 3 years ago - a circus freak. Am I the bearded lady that everyone pays $5 to see?

Yesterday, something Raimund once did popped in my mind. I felt really angry when I first thought about it, but today, when I think about it, I start laughing because this one little incidence is indicative of all the other ridiculous issues Ray made a big deal over.
Let me first expound. Then I'll give a few examples of what I'm talking about.
Raimund had a passion for showing us how wrong, sinful, uneducated (point worth noting: most of the members had as many as 9 more years of schooling...

Yesterday, something Raimund once did popped in my mind. I felt really angry when I first thought about it, but today, when I think about it, I start laughing because this one little incidence is indicative of all the other ridiculous issues Ray made a big deal over.
Let me first expound. Then I'll give a few examples of what I'm talking about.
Raimund had a passion for showing us how wrong, sinful, uneducated (point worth noting: most of the members had as many as 9 more years of schooling than him!), foolish, demonized, and absolutely desparate for his leadership we were. One of his favorite ways of proving this was to come up with problems out of thin air. He would pick at personality traits, preferences, mannerisms, etc. and say that those things were sin. Then he would preach about it to the whole congregation for about an hour or so. It had nothing to do with God, the Bible, morals, beliefs, or spirituality. It was simply Raimundology.
For instance, as a mother was leaving church with her 3 year old son, she said, "Come on, sweetie. Let's go home and get a snack. Then we'll go to bed." Raimund stopped her at the door and said, "Why are you saying 'WE will go to bed'? Are you going to bed with him? Then why are you saying 'we'? You should say, 'YOU will go to bed.' Do you see the difference?" Then he went on to explain how this way of talking to her 3 year old was wrong, that it was spoiling him and putting him on a pedestal.
One time a 6 year old girl snuck into her mom’s make-up bag and did quite a number on her face and nails. Raimund found out about it, so from the pulpit he went off on how women shouldn’t be wearing make-up in the first place (this is a few years after he had specifically commanded a few women who did not wear make-up to wear it). He then ranted for 2 hours about how the ladies in the church looked like whores with all their make-up on. He said that it was a sin to put on nail polish. He told us not to be surprised if all our daughters got pregnant as teenagers, did drugs, and became prostitutes.
One meeting was devoted entirely to the message “The Proper Way to Wipe”.

I’ll have to add more later.

I got a lot of feedback about my Deborah drama at the local health food store. I thought a little info about my soulish angst resulting from seeing her might be interesting. By the way, I really appreciate all the support.

Okay, so, of course, after seeing Deborah at the store, she is always on my mind (is that Kenny Rogers or Willy Nelson?) for about a week. I even dream about her. Well, one night I dreamed about her, and when I woke up, I had a completely different attitude toward her. My...

I got a lot of feedback about my Deborah drama at the local health food store. I thought a little info about my soulish angst resulting from seeing her might be interesting. By the way, I really appreciate all the support.

Okay, so, of course, after seeing Deborah at the store, she is always on my mind (is that Kenny Rogers or Willy Nelson?) for about a week. I even dream about her. Well, one night I dreamed about her, and when I woke up, I had a completely different attitude toward her. My whole perspective of her has been different ever since that morning. Really, I think what happened is in the dream or maybe just as I was waking up, my mind was filled with all these memories of Deborah, most particularly, the way Raimund treated her. Now, I must first clarify something: many of the women who were in the cult, left loving and pitying Deborah and hoping she would get out also. Not me. I felt like she knew what she was doing. She made her choice to not only stand beside but also encourage, support, and build up Raimund, not only through one church's dissintegration as a result of his abuse but two. He ran two churches, one in NY, and about five years later, one in SC. They fell apart the same way. The people finally couldn't take the abuse anymore, so both times they told Raimund he was too hard, too controling, and he needed help. Both times he cried, begging for forgiveness. Both times, about two weeks later, he changed his mind, said the church was "a bunch of rebels", and decided maybe he was a little harsh at times but not at all what the church said. Both times, Deborah told him that these church splits were the devil attacking him because he was "the man of God".
I still feel heated about her choosing to support him, even after crying with us, begging him to hear what we had to say, telling Raimund that it was true, we were right. So, the question is does she choose this willingly, unmanipulated or cojoled? Or is she brainwashed? I don't really think it's one or the other. I think it's both. I think Deborah Melz is completely mind controlled by her husband. But, I think for some reason, she chooses to be. Even in those moments of clarity, when she sees and recognizes what's really going on. Even when she has the chance to get out and knows it, for some reason she chooses to stay.
Now, here's my point. I pity her now. I didn't. I felt like, "Yeah, you made your bed, now sleep in it." But, the second time I saw her, in my mind I followed her home. I saw her driving home to Raimund, getting out of her shiny Mercedes, carrying her groceries inside to put them away. She would make him a snack, start his dinner, call him Baby, tell him how much she loved him. But, all I could see was how lonely and isolated her life is. Raimund worked very hard to put a wedge between Deborah and her family. The church filled that void. She said many times how much the church family meant to her. Now we're gone. It's just her and Ray. I know him. I've spent many, many hours with them, in their house, watching them, listening to their council, learning from their example. He is so hard and self centered. He won't even give her the good graces of descent sex. I know I may be out of line. But, it pisses me off when I remember the stories she'd tell about their sex life(who really wants to hear about they're sex life, anyway?). She'd say the most pitiful things without even realizing how sad it was. Without details, he really only took care of himself. Deborah had to fend for herself, if you know what I mean. ANYWAY...other stuff too. He always boasted about kicking her in the butt a few times for being so stupid. He liked to tell stories about how airheaded she was, how rebelious, how he had straightened her out and now she knew her place. All the while, she would sit beside him nodding her head, "Yes, Baby. That's right. Thank-you for straightening me out."
That poor woman is the most love starved person I've ever met. I just can't figure out which is more pitiful: that she actually thinks Ray loves her or that she so willingly lays herself at his feet to be trampled over.

I've seen Deborah Melz 3 times at my local grocery store. It's a big health food store, and I know there isn't one like it where Deborah lives (30 minutes away from here).But, still, I have to admit I was a little offended that she had to come to MY grocery store and disrupt MY life with her silly little shopping needs. There are other health food stores around. Why can’t she go to one of them? At least, after she saw me the first time (and I know she saw me), then she could have chosen to...

I've seen Deborah Melz 3 times at my local grocery store. It's a big health food store, and I know there isn't one like it where Deborah lives (30 minutes away from here).But, still, I have to admit I was a little offended that she had to come to MY grocery store and disrupt MY life with her silly little shopping needs. There are other health food stores around. Why can’t she go to one of them? At least, after she saw me the first time (and I know she saw me), then she could have chosen to shop elsewhere from then on, you know, just to be polite. To save me the stress of having to being on the look out for her every time I shop! But, I guess not.
The first time I saw her was like having a near car accident. I was shaking from head to toe. I ran to the vitamin aisle and hid there while I called my husband for moral support. I crouched there trying to keep out of sight while juggling the phone and my 6 month old daughter, keeping my 5 yr old son out of trouble, wondering how to retrieve my groceries without crossing paths with Deborah again, and sifting through a whirlwind of thoughts and fears. Did she see Josiah? Oh no! Now she knows about my baby girl! Will she go home and tell Raimund, and then they’ll start praying curses on us? What if she comes up wanting to actually talk to me! What should I do? I know what I’d like to do. I’d like to pop her in the nose.
With no answers to my questions but at least shaking less, I hung up the phone, waited until I saw Deborah leave the store (finally!), and finished shopping. The next time I went grocery shopping, I was on the look out for Deborah before I had even parked the car.

When Mountain Rock Church disbanded 3 years ago, it was like seeing sky for the first time in a very long time - as if I had been locked in an underground prison for 6 years and now I was released. The funny thing is it was the small things that felt so wonderful. I could watch as much tv as I wanted, whatever shows I wanted. I could even get cable! I could take my son out for ice cream without anyone yelling at me for being a selfish glutton. I could wear whatever clothes I wanted! T-shirts, ...

When Mountain Rock Church disbanded 3 years ago, it was like seeing sky for the first time in a very long time - as if I had been locked in an underground prison for 6 years and now I was released. The funny thing is it was the small things that felt so wonderful. I could watch as much tv as I wanted, whatever shows I wanted. I could even get cable! I could take my son out for ice cream without anyone yelling at me for being a selfish glutton. I could wear whatever clothes I wanted! T-shirts, jeans, shorts... I could buy the clothes I liked without worrying if Raimund approved. Music! Oh, how I had missed music! Jazz, reggae, alternative, rap, rock...it was so great to listen to the music I liked without having to be sneaky or feel guilty.

The bigger issues, however, have been much harder to figure out. The freedom to raise our own children, for instance, left all of us in confusion. Where do we even begin? How do I discipline now that I know everything I was taught for the last 6 years was horribly wrong? Many of us immediately ran out and bought stacks of books on child training. For a long time, we talked, asked questions, worried, read, prayed, hoped for the best, worried some more, doping it out and learning to trust our instincts.

The freedom to choose our own beliefs was both exhilarating and frightening. It still is. I will never again sit in a church and trust that the speaker is telling the truth. I know better than that now. Still, it can be tiresome. There are so many issues floating around out there and so many hardcore, dogmatic people convinced that they have the answers and I must believe them or I’m in some kind of danger. I have to take the time to figure things out on my own. I have to find my own path. This is one small bit of ground I have gained: I am okay with not having the answers. I am okay with others not agreeing with me. And, I am completely convinced that God is okay with that too.

Religious choices are not the only decisions that loom over me either. All the decisions of life are now my own to make (gulp!). Should I go back to school? Should we have another child? Should I move? take this job? Buy that house? spend this money? Those decisions have always been overwhelming for me. Maybe that’s part of what appealed to me about MRC in the first place. It was so much easier to just let someone else choose for me. Don’t question, just obey. The world is black and white, and everything is clean and simple. But, life isn’t clean and simple! It’s complicated, confusing, and most of it exists in the grey-zone without “right” and “wrong” ever being involved. Just saying that is hard for me. You mean, spending money on a pair of jeans that I really could do without but look really great in is neither right nor wrong, it’s just a yes or no?!

Questions for Kristy?

Q:

was it devastating for you i know how it fells because i was with you from parris and sky we love you at least we made it.

A:

I love y'all too!!! I really miss you girls! You call me if you ever need anything! Hugs and Kisses, Kristy

Q:

Hi Kristi - it was SO good to meet you last night. I really appreciate your being so open & vulnerable to an entire audience of people's questions after watching the movie. I didn't get a chance to ask you, but I never heard anything in the movie about the role Jesus played in "pastor's" preaching. When he told everyone they were going to hell if they didn't do thus & such as he directed, what did he tell you the purpose of Jesus coming to earth and dying was for? Did you before and/or do you now believe that accepting Christ as Savior is the ONLY thing you need to do to go to Heaven and it can NEVER be taken from you and you be sent to hell? Thanks again for your bravery and openess to help others! Michele in Nashville

A:

Hey! Thanks for everything you said. I really appreciate the support. Like you said, it's a very vulnerable position to be in, so your understanding and support means a great deal. The gospel message was definitely twisted and contorted in acrobatic proportions. We were taught that the purpose and goal of salvation and Christ's sacrifice was that we become perfect. In other words, we had to become sinless, without any faults. All of the abuse, the yelling, the rejection, the paranoia, the confessions, the deliverance, the lectures, the panic attacks, insomnia, nausia, & c. were there because God demanded perfection. Every time I failed, like say, maybe I overslept (which meant I was in the sin of laziness), then God was automatically my enemy (and God is a consuming fire). So, you can imagine how hard it is now to develop a sense of God's grace. As for my present beliefs, it has been a slow, arduous process. After leaving the cult, I felt very strongly to go all the way back to square one and start all over. Is Jesus Christ who he really says he is? Is God even real? What is the point anyway? I have always tended to follow the council of others. It's so simple to just believe. It's so easy to just follow. But, I can't do that and truly live my own life. I have to find my own path, cutting away the brush and thistles with my own hands. I will never intimately, personally connect with a living, relational God unless I find that God myself, by myself, for myself, in my own way, for my own reasons, in my own time. This is one of the greatest gifts I have received from the horrors of this cult experience. You know how people who have a near death experience often speak of gaining a sense clarity about what is important in life? Well, I guess that's what I feel like. My spirituality was so brutally raped and beaten that now I have a sense of clarity about what is important in spirituality. Personal journey is important.

Q:

Kristy, Hello. I met you tonight after the Nashville Film Festival screening. I thought you to be a lovely and tender soul. I just want to reiterate that you are brave and encourage you to remain steady in your courage as you share your story. Cults and cult-like social orgs are gaining momentum and becoming insidious. I left a charismatic cult based in Nashville 4 years ago. Keep talking, keep thinking, keep putting the puzzle pieces together. A key turning point I saw in the movie (and that I cheered and grinned silently) was when Kristy began to refer to "Pastor" by his first name. It's amazing how much "authority" is granted in the power of a title. Good job! Sonya

A:

Thanks so much! I so don't think of "brave" as a word to describe myself! I'm still afraid of the dark, for goodness sake!! But, I heard that a lot at the Nashville film fest., and it means a lot. That whole title thing is such a big deal, isn't it! When we finally started allowing ourselves to question everything, we looked at that line in the book of Matthew (I think. My Bible's not handy and I'm too slack to look it up). Anyway, Jesus says straight up, "Don't be calling each other by special titles. You're all equals!" So, heres the scary part - look at how many churches directly ignore this and call the guy preaching "Pastor", "Reverend", "Minister", "Bishop", "Father".... It seems so innocent, but as soon as we put somebody up on a pedastal, as if he can reach God better than we can, we're heading in a scary direction.

Q:

Kristi, You were right about wanting to do the right thing. I wrote the question "Repent for the Kingdom" question earlier, my name is Patricia. I know that doing what is right is the final decision maker on any number ofthings I do now. We did make it out of the cult (husband and youngest son and I)..but sometimes getting the cult out of me is harder! I lost a son and daughter in law and four grandchildren to that place as well as another son, who is out now, but not yet speaking to us. Some days are terribly hard..but I am getting better, writing and getting informed. There is a conference in June in Philadelphia hosted by ICSA..I am going. It has been a year now since we left, still glad we walked away. But we lost our home and everything..nothing like buying church property! *yuck*. Anyhow, you keep working at it. I remind myself of this..it was not God who did these things, it was a anti-social-personality-disordered-narcissitic-nutcase! We were fine, they just mucked things up. Peace to you and your family!, triciacartledge@cox.net

A:

That sounds really, really familiar. Most of the families who left our cult have struggled terribly to get back on their feet. We gave everything, you know? One time, my husband and I actually cut a check for $50,000 (the entire profit from a spec house we built) and gave it to the pastor. My husband was kicked out of the church about one month later. hmm. I'm so sorry about your son and his family. Are you able to keep any contact at all? One of the most powerful tools my husband learned about (after he was kicked out and we were separated) was to keep the door open with love. In other words, without confronting the cult issue at all, do everything you can to provide a connection for them with the outside world. Send pictures, call regularly, write letters. This is what we learned was the best thing you can do as a relative of someone in a cult. You already know they won't listen to anything against the cult leader, so don't bother stirring up arguments. Just let them know without a doubt that you're there and you love them. That way, when the light does finally come on for them, when they finally ask the questions of doubt and concern aloud, they know they have someone to turn to. Let me know how the conference goes. Btw, what is ICSA? Kristy

Q:

Hi Kristy, my name is tony and Im starting to question this Christian group im in called IVCF which is a college campus group. I just need a list of things to look out for, we are increasingly not learning about Jesus but the group is becoming more missional and how people need to know God and we are the ones to do it. Im starting to get concerned because we are just students but things are becoming more demanding. Can you help me out in this?

A:

I feel really honored that you're asking my advise on such a serious issue. So, don't think that I answer you lightly. I know what you mean about feeling concerned. That questioning in the back of your mind is definitely something to stop and consider. One of the biggest lessons I've learned since leaving the cult is that I have a good gut. I don't mean I digest things well. I mean I have an honest, intuative gut instinct that I can trust. I think everyone does. So here are a few points of cultery (I like to make up words, please excuse me) to look out for. The biggest thing to look out for is control issues. It can be just one person or a group of leaders, but as soon as someone starts "parenting" you, there's a problem. You're not a kid anymore. No one has any right to control or manipulate you. A common misunderstanding among Christians, is the whole authority topic. I don't see any clear dictate from the Bible telling me to obey another person because their more "spiritually mature" than me. Instead, I see a call to personal connection with and dependence on Christ alone. Don't misunderstand: being open for advise from someone who knows what they're talking about or considering the opinion of a friend are totally different from obeying someone over and over again because you've been convinced their words are golden. Something else to look out for is the us vs them syndrome. Truth be told, I fear many, many "normal", mainstream religious people are a little brainwashed when it comes to segregation. Once a group believes they have the WHOLE truth, NOTHING but truth, ABSOLUTE truth, and NO ONE ELSE DOES, they are in cult-bubbledome (I just made that up, cult-bubbledome, pretty cool, huh?:). Anyway, I guess what I'm saying is you mentioned that Jesus is less the center than converting the masses. I'm all for sharing your faith. It's a wonderful thing; it molds and beautifies and gives meaning to our lives, and that's worth sharing. But, shoving it on people till they choke, pressuring, obsessing, condemning, and looking at people through Christian colored judgment goggles is no good. And, if they truly are forgetting Christ, well then, what's the point anyway, right? This was actually probably the biggest smack in the face for me in the cult. One day the pastor said he was the mediator (leaving Christ out of the picture). I never looked at him the same way after that, and I became increasingly aware of just how far we were from being Christ-centered as a church. Anyway, that's just a little info. There are other clues, so if you need some more info just ask. Also, definitely check out my page http://www.squidoo.com/cultsbrainwashingmindcontrol. I tried to provide an overview about mind control and cults. Hopefully it will help some, too. Let me know what you decide. Kristy

Q:

Deborah can't curse you Christy, nor can Raimund. Jesus protects you, my wife Kate & I went through the same thoughts/fears when we left MRC in the 90's. Raimund's only power is fear, but the perfect love of God casts out fear. Don't be afraid of those pharisees and their evil. Dan Dwyer Danbo_CNY@yahoo.com

A:

Thanks for the encouragement. I had to sift through all that over time. Like you say, they are only humans, not God. But, you know how it is, it feels so important to keep any part of yourself and your family that you can completely untouched by that whole traumatic relationship. By the way, congratulations on our newly born niece, Hannah!

Q:

Hey Kristi, I have struggled with the same kind of crap with my ex-cult leader. I was thinking, perhaps when you see her you should walk up and tell her something like.."Repent for the Kingdom of heaven is as hand!"..freak her out on her terms! and then walk away laughing at her. Ok, I know its childish, but I totally understand the invasion of your privacy that is felt when they show up out of nowhere. Peace to you, I am proud of you. I am so glad to be out and FREE, and guess what, I can wear what I want and watch what I want and it is awesome.

A:

HA! I know, I know! I was thinking the same thing - use their own religious lingo against them. Oh, the many juicy ideas I've had about how to address her. I mean, seriously, what if she actually wanted to say something to me? I still haven't figured out what I'd do. Just walk away? Spit on her ;) Yell some Old Testamentesque cure at her? I think the most likely response I could muster would be, "Are you kidding me?" with a go-drop-dead look on my face. But, what I really want is to do the right thing, you know. I don't want to go around angry with her, mulling over the best way to hurt her if we ever speak. That's crazy. So, my question for the cosmos would be what would be the right thing to say/do? By the way, that's so awesome that you got out of the cult you were in!!!

Q:

Hey Kristy, You mentioned this to me, but reading it here really brings it to life! Thats horrible! So you've seen her three times but have not had to interact with her yet? That's good. How are you doing with two kids? Do you entrust them with anyone to watch them so you and Joaquin can go out alone? Do you have trust issues with that now? And do you put them in a church group at all? Thanks for sharing this...

A:

That's a lot of questions. Okay, here goes. No, I have yet to speak face to face with her. But, I'll have to blog more on that later (interesting stuff). The kids: Yeah, I definitely get a babysitter from time to time. OMG! I would go totally insane otherwise! Although, when was the last time Joaquin and I actualy went on a date?... I think I'm okay with the trust issues. We do go to church fairly often (another blog topic in the making; you're giving me good ideas). Yes, they go to the kids' classes, and they wouldn't want it any other way. They've made that clear. Josiah LOVES it. I can't express how much he LOVES his church class; it's party time for him. Kyra loves it, too. I was surprised a little to discover that she had no trouble whatsoever leaving her precious mama in the dust while she scurried off to play with all the cool toys. We sub in her baby class sometimes, and she could not care less that we're there. Apparently, it's party time for her too. Kristy

Q:

Hi, do you have anything on Jewish mind control?

A:

Can you tell me a little more about what you mean? Mind control can happen in any kind of relationship - by a spouse, parent, friend, religious leader, business leader, & c. It takes place subtly, slowly, and cunningly. That's why it's so difficult for people to pinpoint when and where it happens and even more difficult for people to believe it really does happen. You know, I've got a site where I've written a bit of an overview about cults and mind control. Check it out; maybe it'll help. If not, get back to me. http://www.squidoo.com/cultsbrainwashingmindcontrol There are tons of books that really walk you through mind control and how to get out of it and get help. I have a few listed on my site. Also, you can call wellspring retreat and resource center or email them. There's a link to them on this Join Us site. Look for Liz's blog too. She's from Wellspring and has really helped me out. I hope you're doing okay. I'd love to hear more about what you mean by "Jewish mind control" and hear how you're doing.